My Very Professional Guide to Kaiju
Oh, hey there, curious Earthlings! You wanna know about kaiju, huh? Lucky for you, Pigu is a certified (*cough*) kaiju expert! Here’s everything you need to know about those big, stompy, angry monsters. You're welcome!
1. What *IS* a Kaiju?
A kaiju is basically a super-huge creature that likes to destroy buildings, roar really loudly, and ruin everyone’s day. They’re kind of like giant cats knocking over stuff, but way less cuddly.
2. Kaiju Types (According to Me)
- The Stompy Ones: These guys just stomp around crushing everything. Like, chill, dude. Go for a walk in the woods or something.
- The Zappy Ones: They shoot lasers or lightning, and honestly, they’re show-offs. You don’t need to zap EVERYTHING, jeez.
- The Slippery Slimy Ones: Ew. Just… ew. Why are they so sticky? Who asked for this?
3. How to Spot a Kaiju
- Look for giant footprints. If you see one, congrats! Your town is next on the menu.
- Listen for a terrifying roar. If it makes your ears bleed, that’s definitely a kaiju.
- Check the news. If reporters are screaming “Run for your lives!” you’re probably dealing with a kaiju.
4. What to Do When You See a Kaiju
Run. Hide. Cry a little. Call Bioman. (You’re Welcome, Neo)
5. Fun Kaiju Facts!
- They hate bad jokes. Trust me, I tried.
- They love shiny things, like cars and skyscrapers.
- They’re really bad at charades. Don’t even bother.
So there you have it, my *very professional* guide to kaiju. If you ever see one, just remember: don’t panic… unless it starts chasing you. Then, definitely panic.
Alright, that’s all for today! Stay safe out there, and if you need me, I’ll be hiding behind Neo when the next kaiju shows up. BYE!