The 1 Star Hotel
Oh boy, where do I even start? Neo and Lily wanted to have a romantic getaway in Osaka, and guess who decided to join them? That’s right, me! The amazing, spectacular, and totally-not-intrusive Pigu! But let me tell you, what started as a simple weekend trip turned into a rollercoaster of craziness faster than you can say “hotel disaster.”
The Booking Mishap
Neo was in charge of booking the hotel. Bad idea. Very bad idea. When we arrived at the Lovely Inn Hotel, it actually looked okay from the outside. Nice sign, clean walls, the works. But as soon as we stepped inside, it was like entering a horror movie. The carpets were stained, the walls were peeling, and there was this… *smell*. I don’t even know how to describe it. Let’s just say it wasn’t lovely at all.
When Neo checked us in, the receptionist gave him this weird grin. Turns out, the only room available was one with a king-sized bed. A single bed. For all three of us. *AWKWARD*. I could see Lily’s face turning red, and Neo was mumbling something about how it was the hotel’s fault. I, of course, being the comedic genius I am, made a joke about how they could sleep on each other while I took the bed. Nobody laughed. Tough crowd.
The Room of Nightmares
When we got to our room, things went from bad to worse. The “king bed” was more like a lumpy mattress with questionable stains. The curtains were ripped, the TV didn’t work, and there was a mysterious noise coming from the closet. I volunteered to investigate because, you know, I’m a brave alien. Turns out, it was just a raccoon. Or something that looked like a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I ran back to the bed faster than Neo could say “Get out of there, Pigu!”
Sharing the Bed
Now, let’s talk about the bed situation. Neo and Lily tried to act all chill, but you could cut the tension with a knife. They ended up sleeping on opposite edges of the bed, leaving me the middle spot. Lucky me! Except not really, because Lily kept mumbling in her sleep, and Neo rolled over and almost pushed me off the bed. At one point, I yelled, “Personal space, people!” but nobody listened. It was the most uncomfortable night of my life.
The Break-In
Just when we thought things couldn’t get worse, someone tried to break into our room. I kid you not! This random guy with a ski mask started fiddling with the lock. Neo jumped out of bed, ready to fight, while Lily grabbed a lamp as a weapon. Me? I hid under the bed. Hey, I’m a lover, not a fighter! Luckily, Neo scared the guy off, but let me tell you, my alien nerves were shot.
Pigu Saves the Day
After the break-in, I decided it was time to lighten the mood. I put on a little comedy show, complete with impressions of Neo and Lily. Neo pretending to book a “nice” hotel? Hilarious. Lily being all “cool and calm” when she’s actually freaking out? Comedy gold. They both tried to stay mad, but eventually, they started laughing. Mission accomplished!
The Morning Escape
By the time morning came, we were all ready to leave. Neo and Lily were giving each other these awkward looks, and I could tell they just wanted to go home. But before we left, I made sure to leave a review for the Lovely Inn Hotel: “Zero stars if I could. Do not recommend unless you want to experience chaos and trauma.”
And that, my friends, is the story of how we survived the 1-star hotel. Moral of the story? Never let Neo book the hotel, and always bring your favorite alien friend along for the laughs!